BEERS, BEARS AND RUSSIAN AFFAIRS: So, you need another HIV Test, hey?

As you probably know, my first HIV test did NOT go well. In fact, it terrified me and left me living in fear of my second one. If you’ve not read about it, then I’d recommend you do so now, so that you can compare the two (or even just for a laugh at my ordeal). Here's the tragic story of my first HIV test - The HIV Test: So... it turns out I'm a fainter .

I’ve been back for over a month now and after having received my official letter of invitation from Russia a few weeks ago, I had all of the documents that I needed in order to apply for my next visa... that is with the exception of my much needed negative HIV certificate. Not wanting to leave it to the last minute like last time, I decided to go and get it done.

I did, however, decide to do it differently this time round. I went to London.

If you need to get a HIV test done, GO TO LONDON. The Mortimer Market Centre to be specific. I cannot thank Will Brockbank enough for suggesting this, and I will go to my grave shouting that this is how it should be done.

The Mortimer Market Centre offer free rapid HIV tests and they are so much better than the alternative. I think the best way to show how different it was this time, is to put it in a table, comparing the two.

Arrowe Park Sexual Health Clinic (06/08/13)	London Mortimer Market Centre (15/01/14)
Waiting room attire: Predominantly shell suits (do people still say shell suits?!). Fake tan and a good old scouse brow -a very popular combination.	The London crowd were altogether more stylish. A lot of fur, leather-look garments, DMs and well applied makeup.
When my name was called, I was met by an older lady, Grey Bob (and a scowl). Followed by the ‘are you a fainter or a fitter’ question. Classic.	When my name was called, I was met by a smiling, gorgeous Irish staff nurse (he did give me his name, but I was too swoony to take it in).
Once I told Grey Bob that my HIV test was for a visa application, she pretty much got on with it.	Even with the test being for a visa, the sexual health questions were more intrusive than Grey Bob’s.
A vile of blood was taken from my antecubital fossa, causing me to faint and also causing a lot of bruising on my arm.	The test was done with a finger prick. My finger hurt for about 7 seconds and unsurprisingly, my fingertip did not bruise. And I didn’t even almost faint.
I had to wait for 15 days for the results.	I had results in 60 seconds.
The certificate was supposed to cost £80. (Luckily I didn’t have to pay because they’d not set up their banking yet. However, if I were to go again, I would have had to have paid).	The certificate was free and printed out for me as soon as my results were ready. My train ticket to London obviously is being classed as an expense, but it was only £46 return and would have been cheaper (£25 return) if I’d booked more in advance. A lot cheaper than the £80.
I spent the rest of the day curled up feeling sorry for myself at having fainted for the first time.	I spent the rest of the day sightseeing around London like a huge tourist.

So, to sum up, if you don’t have a service local to you offering you free rapid HIV testing, then I cannot recommend going to London for it enough. Do it. You will not regret it.

Here are some pictures of me having fun in London to convince you.